I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
