i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
