...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
