just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
