Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
