im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
