I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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