I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
