there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
