Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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