My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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