he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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