For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
