i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
