im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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