you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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