just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
