last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
