I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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