he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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