I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
