I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
