i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
