Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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