Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
