I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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