a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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