im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
