Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
