we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
