ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
