Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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