Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
