There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Houston, we have a squirter
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
