is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
