Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
