hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
