i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
