No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
