Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
