yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
