I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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