Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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