Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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