how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
