peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
