Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
