Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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