All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
