get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
